GAMES FOR NARCISSISTIC COUPLES – GAME 2: I LOVE YOU JUST THE WAY YOU ARE (PART 2)

They should try to maintain eye contact throughout the game and notice how they feel about that contact and what makes them want to look away. Once they have assumed their coital position, the wife says to the husband:

“I love you just the way you are.”

Then she says the next thing that comes into her mind.

Then the husband says:

“I love you just the way you are.”

Then he says the next thing that comes into his mind.

They repeat this simple sentence and the follow-up thoughts as long as necessary—that is, as long as it takes to say everything that pops up from their unconscious (or formerly censored conscious).

What happens is that whenever they say, “I love you just the way you are,” the next thought that will come into their minds is a negative judgment, such as, “Except I wish you’d lose weight,” or “Except you come from a poor family and don’t know how to be rich,” or “Except I hate the gap in your teeth,” or “Except I wish you were a little smarter/prettier/a better dresser.” As these negative judgments are acknowledged, the impasse will be broken, replaced by the feelings they have been withholding from one another. Sometimes arguments ensue:

“Oh, so I’m not pretty enough for you.”

“No, you’re pretty enough—it’s just that I have these per-fectionistic standards.”

“Well, you’re no movie star yourself.”

“That’s true.”

*112/196/1*