People with spinal cord injuries have found some other skills particularly helpful for establishing romantic relationships. In a study of sexuality in women with spinal cord injuries, assertiveness was most often mentioned as a useful social skill. Being outgoing and taking the first step in conversations, smiling and making good eye contact were recommended. Communication about your feelings is part of being assertive. The physical limitations of your injury might make spontaneous physical contact difficult. You may need to say that you have a romantic interest or that you’d like to kiss your partner. Sometimes it’s unclear whether you are being included in social activities as a friend or as a potential lover. Don’t be afraid to ask “Is this a date?” and to clarify your own intentions.

For many people with spinal cord injury, presenting a good physical appearance is an important factor in attracting potential partners. Clothes and hairstyles that flatter your best features and are fashionable and appropriate to the social situation make a good first impression. Colorful ties or jewelry that express your individual style can attract positive attention and help counteract the tendency of others to see the wheelchair first.

Getting out to the same social events and situations that you enjoyed before your injury is the best way to meet people. You can still go to parties, restaurants, bars, classes, meetings, and so on, as long as they are accessible. You can participate, perhaps with modifications, in most activities. If you liked ballroom or nightclub dancing, you can dance in your wheelchair. You can participate in wheelchair sports, hiking, or camping activities, attend lectures or college courses, join book clubs or political campaigns – in short, engage in whatever interests you and brings you in contact with other people.

But what if you can’t get out as often as you’d like, because of transportation problems, inaccessibility of the places you’d like to go, or periods of physical illness? Many people have found computer chat rooms and virtual cafes a great way to connect with others. Sometimes people meet on the Internet and eventually exchange phone numbers and even arrange meetings that turn into real relationships. (Of course, you should apply the same cautions about first meetings that you would for any blind date: meet in a public place with other people around and don’t give out your address until you are comfortable with the new person.) You can also consider using computer dating services and dating services set up specifically for people with disabilities.

Many singles, both able-bodied and disabled, meet through personal ads in local newspapers. These provide initial anonymity and the opportunity to screen a potential date through letters and phone calls before deciding whether to meet. They also give you control over when and how you reveal that you have a spinal cord injury. You can wait until you’ve established some rapport, or you can disclose your disability immediately and weed out callers for whom this is a reason not to meet you. In either case, placing or answering personal ads can be a good way to make contact when your opportunities are limited. You can decide whether to advertise in publications directed at other physically disabled people or in community or city newspapers with general readership. It’s often a good idea to advertise in a publication that represents your interests or peer group, such as age-related, religion-related, or hobby-related magazines.

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Children, like adults, ultimately need to accept their epilepsy if they are to be happy and productive citizens. They need to realize that epilepsy is only one part of their life, and for most not the dominant part. People should be defined by the kind of person they are, not a condition they have.

Perhaps most important to a child’s acceptance of epilepsy is a feeling of self-esteem. For any child to achieve his full potential, he must feel good about himself and able to achieve.

One aspect of self-esteem is a child’s feeling of control over his epilepsy and his life. This is why the child should participate in his treatment. Certainly the older child must know why he is taking medicine. A parent who tells his child that he’s taking medication because, “It’s good for you” or “It’s a vitamin and will make you stronger” has not accepted his child’s epilepsy and is not allowing the child to accept it either. Also, we encourage parents to let the child, from almost any age, be responsible for taking his own medication. The younger child will require supervision. The older child and adolescent can supervise himself, or learn to, and, in doing so, control and “own” his epilepsy. It is a first step toward achieving control and ownership of his life.

An individual is known by what he can do, not by what he can’t do. If you focus on your child’s limitations and wish for things that are not realistic, your child is likely to become a failure in your eyes and in his own and fail to achieve his potential. Recognizing your child’s potential for achievement is a first step in helping him to recognize his own capabilities. Rewarding achievement is far more productive than focusing on failure.

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Blood pressure above the normal is hypertensive disease, now one of the chief causes of death. The cause of hypertensive disease is not known positively, but contributing causes are the stresses and strains of modern life, the effect of psychic and emotional activities of the brain, the results of infections and poisonings and, conceivably, glandular and structural causes. A constant high blood pressure may be associated with headaches and a variety of pains. Such common symptoms as ringing in the ears have been attributed to high blood pressure. The danger from an exceedingly high blood pressure lies in the possible breaking of a blood vessel, particularly in the brain, which results in apoplexy or stroke. Overweight is considered by insurance companies to be a frequent associate of high blood pressure. A high salt diet has perhaps not been incriminated but a low salt diet is believed to be helpful in cases of high blood pressure. People suffering from high blood pressure should not indulge in exercises such as running or lifting heavy weights or in any type of activity which produces shortness of breath. Mild exercise and massage tend to produce relaxation. Emotional excitement, particularly anger, is to be avoided. Suitable sedative drugs may be prescribed to control excessive excitement. Up to the age of fifty, the blood pressure rises slowly from 120 with the heart contracted and 80 with the heart relaxed, to 130 with the heart contracted and 85 with the heart relaxed. The blood pressure may be higher in older people. Extensive studies have shown that higher blood pressures, even up to 160 or 165, may be carried without harm by some people. Actually, the exact relationship of high blood pressure to the length of life and the aging process has not been fully established. Many new drugs are now available for use in high blood pressure, including Diuril, Guanethidine and Alpha-Dopa.

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